Archive for the Freaking Hilarious Category

Shhhhh! I’m sleeping!

Posted in 20something bloggers, Freaking Hilarious, Growing Up on January 14, 2009 by Danielle Self

I was browsing the 20 something bloggers site and I came across the topic for the January Blog Carnival.

First Kiss.

My. Oh. My. Have a got a horribly embarrassing story for you.

I was in the 6th grade and I thought that I was so cool because I was “going out” with one of my older brother’s friend.  I mean he was 14 and I was 12.  How much more scandalous can you get?

We had been “going out” for about a month when my mom (who obviously had to chauffeur us everywhere at that point) came up with the idea that we could go on a “date” to the drive-in. I don’t even remember what movie was playing because I was too busy gazing starry eyed up at him and knowing that tonight I was going to get my first kiss.  I. was. scared. shitless.  So after the first movie was over and he still hadn’t kissed me yet, I snuggled up to him and pretended to go to sleep.  As my head lay in his lap (told you… scandalous…) (I KEEED.  I was only TWELVE PEOPLE! Get your head out of the gutter.) my mom decided to be all sly and go get some nachos at the concession stand to leave us alone for a bit.  Boyfriend went in for the kill.  Mind you, I was still “sleeping” at this point.  I flipped out.  All in my head. I was seriously about to have a heart attack because he was kissing me. Giving me my first real kiss. And what was I doing? Still pretending to be asleep.  Thats right.

The worst part about it? It wasn’t just like a peck first kiss.  He went from having never kissed me at all to trying to shove his tongue past my tonsils. And I pretended to be asleep the entire time.  I didn’t move a single muscle all 45ish seconds of him dousing my face with his spit. I stayed completely limp.

Boyfriend and I never said a word about it after the fact.  It was like it never happened.  If only I really could erase his memory of that.

A weekend full of bullets. (not literally… literary)

Posted in Dreams (the kind you have while sleeping), Freaking Hilarious, Hawaii, I heart Lists, Random, Television on April 28, 2008 by Danielle Self
  • If I have ONE more dream about television I may be forced to with go watching it for a couple weeks.  This time I dreamed I was one of Hef’s girlfriends… I love me some Girls Next Door.
  • I played Wii for like 2 hours a day Saturday and Sunday… I can’t decide if I’m just a lot more out of shape than I had originally thought or if playing the wii is just that good of a work out.  Either way- I breathe and I feel every muscle in my back and I can’t straighten my arms out completely.  I haven’t been this sore in FOREVER.
  • Saturday was J’s dad’s death day… 9 years.  Pretty crazy….
  • J and I went to go see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” last weekend.  So OBVIOUSLY this weekend was filled to the brim with the unforgetable scene “I’ve got a surprise for you!” while I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Ever notice how a naked girl is sexy and a naked guy is funny?  Haha
  • I figured out how to get all the photos off my iPhone.  It was a magnificent moment of clarity. 4 months of attempts… concluding with SUCCESS! See a few examples of my world below.

    WHAT THE EFF IS ON THAT GUY’S HEAD?! I’ll tell you what… lots of tiny rubber bands.  Guy- You looked like such a douche bag that I had to take a picture of you.  Color coordinating your hair ties with your t-shirt= NOT COOL.

    OMG.  Hahahaha J found a tattoo in his poptart box so I convinced him that ass tattoos are exponentially cooler than upper arm tattoos.  TO THE MOOOOON!

    Alright alright alright… Hawaii doesn’t suck all the time.

    In fact sometimes… its quite pretty.
  • I had the CRAZIEST dream… I was going to prom with the most random people in the world.  My date was this guy that I knew in high school but never once talked to.  The whole day before prom I had this power to “fix” whatever I wanted.  Almost like I had unlimited wishes.  All I had to do was close my eyes and imagine what I had was what I wanted and when I opened my eyes, it would be changed. I thought this was a great insight on how I’ve been feeling lately.  So while I was driving around earlier in the day I wished that my water was a delicious shake that was good for me.  And then it was.  Then I wished that my dress was designer.  And then it was.  Then I wished that my date was hotter.  And then he was.  Then I wished that I had the most perfect smokey eye look.  And then I did. By the end of my dream though, no one wanted to go to prom so it didn’t matter what my dress looked like or my make up.  Random… but neat I guess.  I wish I had that power. That’d be BA.