Archive for November, 2008

I don’t want you to walk me down the aisle.

Posted in Daddy Issues on November 2, 2008 by Danielle Self

I told my dad last night that I didn’t want him to walk me down the aisle.  His response? “Whatever, Danielle.  I guess thats your prerogative.” I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that he didn’t get really upset or to be offended that it looked like he really could care less. 

On top of telling him that he was most likely not walking me down he aisle, I decided to go down the rehab road again.  He of course said that he didn’t need it.  He is truly convinced that he has MS. One of the most difficult illnesses to diagnose. Of course. FYI- He doesn’t have it. Having 1-3 symptoms of 15+ does not mean that you have it.  Its ridiculous that he’s even suggesting that. 

His wife is going to leave him.  And as much as I don’t want to see him alone- I’m encouraging her to leave him. She was very well financially off before she met him and now he is continuing to drain her savings.  I used to feel sorry for him but now I really don’t.  We have given him every opportunity to get better. There is no way that someone is that chronically ill all the time.  And each time its something different! All you have to do is say “Hey.  I messed up.  I need to go to rehab to finally get this out of my body so that it doesn’t want it anymore.  I’ll be back in 6-8 weeks” Instead basically what he is saying is “I don’t give a flying F**k that I have a three sons and two daughters that need me. My drug needs are more important than all of that”

I told him that if he continues on the road that hes on that Jillian won’t want him to walk her down the aisle when she gets married either.  And she actually may have her new dad do it instead.  He said that he knew that was a possibility but there was nothing that he could do about that.  

At that point I was speechless.  It amazes me that someone can be that self centered to not care that the biggest moment of each of his daughters’ lives they don’t want him to be apart of.  

I asked him what he was going to do if his wife left him.  He said he guessed he was just going to have to live in a cardboard box because he has nothing now other than some clothes and a truck. And its true.  Very very true. He really would have no where else to go. And if she leaves him because of the crap he is pulling now, I’m not going to feel sorry for him.  It would totally be his fault.  

Whatever. I’m through trying to get through to him that he’s already given me some serious daddy issues and is well on his way to giving my 3 year old little sister some daddy issues.  I’m done trying to convince him that he can help himself.  When he wants to be well, he is.  How he can’t see that, I’m not sure…. But I’m done.  I’m SO done.