Lost in Translation

Pre-story: The real estate office that I work with has been entertaining an investor from Bulgaria. He’s super duper rich and is one of the top 10 builders in the entire nation of Bulgaria. He LOVES his mother land and is VERY European. As in, the first time I met him he was wearing booty shorts that I’m not even brave enough to wear. His name is Milen (Pronounced Mee-lan).

Milen: (Points at me) She no Hawaiian no?
CoWorker: No, Milen. She is from Arkansas. She is American.
Milen: Where is this Arkansas (Pronounced: Ar-can-sass)?
Me: Southern America
Milen: (shrug)
Me: By Texas.
Milen: Ahhhh! Texas! I know Texas! I fly with people from Texas. They no smell nice. Smell like no have shower for week.
Me: Haha… well some people probably don’t shower that much.
Milen: No all Texas people no smell good. Smell like dirty shower. I no say you smell no good. Texas people smell no good.

Next Day

Me: Hi Milen! How are you?
Milen: (Moves mere inches from my face) I’m doing good. How is you?
Me: I’m doing great, Thanks. You smell nice. (He really did… )
Milen: Oh! I no smell like I form Texas no?
Me: Hah… you smell good. Better than Texas people.
Milen: You like my smell?
Me: Yes I do. Its very nice.
Milen: I don’t know if I smell Texas people or their villages. Texas get around on horse no?
Me: I’m sorry?
Milen: Texas people go on horse from village to village no?
Me: Absolutely… I wish we had cars there. It’d make things a lot easier.
Milen: How big Arkansas city?
Me: Oh… about half a million.
Milen: That all? That small. Where is Arkansas City by?
Me: Um… Its by Dallas.
Milen: Oh! Dallas. Dallas pretty but no smell good.

The Day After that my boss told me that while they were at dinner Milen asked if he thought I would “make sex” with him. He wanted me to go back to Bulgaria with him and be ONE of his girlfriends. Someone asked how he got referred to such a small real estate company. Our loan officer’s mom does his hair plugs.


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