Archive for the Television Category

Greeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Posted in Random, Television on May 5, 2008 by Danielle Self

Okay… slightly too enthusiastic. BUT HOW CAN I NOT BE WHEN GREEK COMES ON TONIGHT?! I just remembered and I must say that it turned my seriously draining… deadening…. life stealer-ing day into an alright one.

That and the fact that J has now given me free reign over his credit card and is to the point where he is trying to buy me out of my job. As in, when I went home for lunch today he asked me to stay, I said that I would love to but couldn’t due to my little problem called “being poor.” To which he replied, “I’ll pay you to hang out with me.” ….. “How much…?” “$20!” “I’ll see you around 6:30ish.”

Its just good to have him be so lovey dovey over me. I’m not used to that from him and its nice. Of course he is stuck at my house with no one to talk to and needs assistance sitting and standing…. and I do have to help him sponge bathe. So eff that! He should be paying me!

He called me about an hour after I got back to work and asked me to come home again. He used the never-fail “I wish you loved me more.” Don’t worry… I zinged him with “I wish you would have let me keep my diamond ring.”

“Ouch. Don’t forget the apple sauce. LOVE YOU!” Click.

Thats what I thought.

May Cause Brain Damage.

Posted in Random, Television, This makes serial killers on April 30, 2008 by Danielle Self

WTF…. I don’t get it. It takes a lot of confidence to rub your face on someone else’s? Is that before or after you snorted coke?

A weekend full of bullets. (not literally… literary)

Posted in Dreams (the kind you have while sleeping), Freaking Hilarious, Hawaii, I heart Lists, Random, Television on April 28, 2008 by Danielle Self
  • If I have ONE more dream about television I may be forced to with go watching it for a couple weeks.  This time I dreamed I was one of Hef’s girlfriends… I love me some Girls Next Door.
  • I played Wii for like 2 hours a day Saturday and Sunday… I can’t decide if I’m just a lot more out of shape than I had originally thought or if playing the wii is just that good of a work out.  Either way- I breathe and I feel every muscle in my back and I can’t straighten my arms out completely.  I haven’t been this sore in FOREVER.
  • Saturday was J’s dad’s death day… 9 years.  Pretty crazy….
  • J and I went to go see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” last weekend.  So OBVIOUSLY this weekend was filled to the brim with the unforgetable scene “I’ve got a surprise for you!” while I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Ever notice how a naked girl is sexy and a naked guy is funny?  Haha
  • I figured out how to get all the photos off my iPhone.  It was a magnificent moment of clarity. 4 months of attempts… concluding with SUCCESS! See a few examples of my world below.

    WHAT THE EFF IS ON THAT GUY’S HEAD?! I’ll tell you what… lots of tiny rubber bands.  Guy- You looked like such a douche bag that I had to take a picture of you.  Color coordinating your hair ties with your t-shirt= NOT COOL.

    OMG.  Hahahaha J found a tattoo in his poptart box so I convinced him that ass tattoos are exponentially cooler than upper arm tattoos.  TO THE MOOOOON!

    Alright alright alright… Hawaii doesn’t suck all the time.

    In fact sometimes… its quite pretty.
  • I had the CRAZIEST dream… I was going to prom with the most random people in the world.  My date was this guy that I knew in high school but never once talked to.  The whole day before prom I had this power to “fix” whatever I wanted.  Almost like I had unlimited wishes.  All I had to do was close my eyes and imagine what I had was what I wanted and when I opened my eyes, it would be changed. I thought this was a great insight on how I’ve been feeling lately.  So while I was driving around earlier in the day I wished that my water was a delicious shake that was good for me.  And then it was.  Then I wished that my dress was designer.  And then it was.  Then I wished that my date was hotter.  And then he was.  Then I wished that I had the most perfect smokey eye look.  And then I did. By the end of my dream though, no one wanted to go to prom so it didn’t matter what my dress looked like or my make up.  Random… but neat I guess.  I wish I had that power. That’d be BA.

True Life: I’m a Southern Belle

Posted in Television, The South on April 16, 2008 by Danielle Self

We all know that my job is seriously demanding but I managed to squeeze in a moment or two and watched MTV’s True Life: I’m a Southern Belle while I was there.

HELP! MY IDENTITY HAS BEEN STOLEN!

Dead freaking ringer.  I was beginning to wonder if my Southern-ness was wearing off being that I’m in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  After watching this, I am glad to say that I am still very Southern.  My long lost Southern accent came back the moment I heard those Mississippi voices.

On one hand I was so proud to be apart of that demographic.  But then on the other, I can see how if a guy is not from the South he’d have issues “getting” us.  And how we would have issues “getting” people from other areas.  We are a breed on our own.  Weird, old fashioned, (sometimes) high maintenance, and WAY too concerned about how other people perceive us- that is the essence of a Southern Belle.  I must say that I am no longer near the Southern Belle that I used to be but I am also far from not being one.  For instance- half of my sorority pledge class had debutante balls when they came of age. I was taught to never call a guy until you are in a legitimate relationship. I was also taught that a Lady never makes a first move and always looks her best out in public- even if that means WalMart at midnight.

In celebration of being from the South here are some quotes about our culture*

“Being a belle is a lifetime of work so practice everyday.”
“American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God”
“My dear girl, the Yankees aren’t fiends.  They haven’t horns and hoofs, as you seem to think.  They are pretty much like Southerners- except with worse manners, of course, and terrible accents.”
“The South is dry and will vote dry.  That is, everybody sober enough to stagger to the polls will.”

“In the South, the breeze blows softer…neighbors are friendlier, nosier, and more talkative. (By contrast with the Yankee, the Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do)…This is a different place. Our way of thinking is different, as are our ways of seeing, laughing, singing, eating, meeting and parting. Our walk is different, as the old song goes, our talk and our names. Nothing about us is quite the same as in the country to the north and west. What we carry in our memories is different too, and that may explain everything else.”

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Why, no, Billy!”

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
“Y’all come back!”
“Well, bless your heart.”
“Drop by when you can.”
“How’s your Momma?”

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The beach
The beach

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Summer tans
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses

Southern women know everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma’s homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl’stn)
Savannah (S’vanah)
New Orleans (N’awlins)
Atlanta (Addlanna)

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern women know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern women know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Southern women know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

Southern belle’s are a true God givin gift to the world, and of your a northern transplant, well just bless your heart, fake it! We all know that you got here as fast as you could!

*Side Note- I googled “Southern Belles” and the third link to come up was a guide on how to become a Southern Belle at About.com/Little Rock.  Gotta love Arkansas.