What am I the Wizard of Oz? Need a brain? Need a heart? Here take mine.

I realize that I have been gone for far too long and that I perhaps have lost ALL of my regular readers… but honestly, that was a price that I was willing to pay. I had to make certain people forget that I had a blog. Hopefully it worked. Hopefully they don’t check this anymore. And again… hopefully I can get back to spilling things out like I was prior to my big outing. Because honestly- I need this blog. I need it as an outlet to let myself know that Im not as crazy as I feel. That there are other people out there that go through similar things. Writing in my journal over the past few weeks has helped a bit but not near as much as this was.

So back to where we left off- I’m honestly not sure where to begin… so much has happened in the past month that its been slightly EXTREMELY overwhelming. Guess that means only one thing. Bullet time.

• I bought a new car. 2005 Altima in a Charcoal Gray. Its so pretty and exactly what I wanted. I managed to flirt enough that they pushed me down to 7000 below internet price. I began to regret that flirting decision when the 40 something financial guy from Toyota started stalker calling me to go to Padrissimo (a Hispanic Dance Club) ANYWHO. The next morning after I took my perfect car home it started smoking. Long story short- I’ve been in a rental car for the past month as they put in a new engine.
• Rental Car. Right? That was smashed into a pole last weekend after I made a bad decision to go drink 3/4 of a fifth of Smirnoff and then go joy riding to my old sorority house. WHY?! Who knows… but I am so broke now that its not even funny. Its horrible to say but I am very very fortunate that is all that happened. Thank God there were no other cars involved nor the police. THAT would have been really bad. I am not hurt either. I didn’t even know that I had wrecked until the next morning. I wouldn’t say that I am lucky that it happened.. just fortunate that that was ALL that happened.
• Resulting Consequences? $500 paid to the rental company and the wreck go on my insurance. Fiance has prohibited drinking and “strongly discourages” me hanging out with my best guy friend from here. He said that if I touched another glass of alcohol until he thought I was ready that the wedding was off. Needless to say- I gave my roommate my alcohol and told her to have it drank before the end of the week or it was going down the drain. It was gone 2 nights later.
• J forgave me and we began to move on. Things were tight but we were making it. All we needed was to sell my car back in Hawaii and we were home free. 3 days after the accident Justin called and told me that my car was totaled. He had taken it to go show it to a chick in the military that was really interested and it wouldn’t start. He took it to the shop and they told him that the repairs would be about $2000… blown head gasket among other things… the car is only worth about $3000. So the best deal we could manage was to give it to someone that agreed to tow it off the mechanics lot for free.
• Oh, and did I mention that my alcoholic escapade, the wreck, the car not being able to be sold and my car tags being due all occurred within the same week and couple days?! Yea. BAD WEEK.
• Yea. I’m broke. I have School bills to pay that I was forced to put on my credit card. Thats a good $1300… now that the car didn’t sell I have to put my sales tax for my new car on my credit card as well which I’m anticipating to be about another $1000. Then somehow I need to buy Justin’s wedding band which is another $850ish. ANNNNNNNNNNNND we need to ship my car back to Hawaii in December which is $1500. ANNNNNNNNND we need to furnish our new house. Yea. Broke doesn’t QUITE describe that loads of crap I’m wading through.
• Solutions? I’m moving back in with the parentals until the wedding. Yes, its only 2 months but I still feel like a serious failure at life. I’m selling all my pageant paraphernalia on ebay. And signing my life away over to odd jobs. Earlier this week I babysat my demon half-siblings. And tomorrow I am pulling weeds for my mom and cleaning her resource room. BLEGH. NOT FUN. But you do what you have to do right?
• And here’s the real kicker and the thing that really is going to save or destroy everything. The top secret mission. Justin and I are getting married when he comes in town this weekend. As in going to the justice of the peace and signing the paperwork. I know this sounds silly considering we are so close to the actual wedding… but we both know that we are getting married and he gets paid an extra $2500ish a month for us being married. And obviously as you can see in the earlier bullets that we could really use that extra money. So thats how its going to save everything. It could seriously get destroyed though if my mother finds out. I’m doubting that she would be as obliged to pay for the wedding if she knew that the reason that there was the wedding was already taken care of. Now I thought this would be easy to hide from her until my father made a good point. Legal things are put in the paper as public record and there is nothing that you can do to get them out of there. All it would take is one of her nosy friends to be looking through there and then we would be screwed.
• OH and another thing. My laptop died. Like not the battery died. The computer itself is dead. Gone to a better place… dead. The screen refuses to come back on. I called a repair place to get a quote and he said about $250 I decided at that point that it was better to call it a loss and save up for a new MacBook when possible.
• My. World. Has. Been. A. Black. Hole. Of. Despair. Seriously. Black. Hole.

The only thing that has been bringing light into my life is knowing that I get to see J in LESS THAN FOUR DAYS!!!!! And I’ve recently become sucked into Twilight. I read the first two books in 3 days. I’m about three quarters ways through the last book. I fracking LOVE those books. I want to be a vampire and I want to make out with Edward Cullen. I’m going to find him. End of story.

Stupid and Contagious

Now we all know that my job is SERIOUSLY demanding. But yesterday around mid-morning I decided to start reading this book “Stupid and Contagious” by Caprice Crane and this afternoon I finished it. Now we’re talking less than 48 hours on a 317 page book. Its THAT good. I could hardly put it down.

It was one of those books that it was pretty obvious in the beginning how things were going to turn out but you couldn’t wait to see how and when. It was funny, inciteful, quirky, and feel-good.

It is written in a format that I think most (if not all) personal bloggers would LOVE to read. Its done in little snippets of one of the two characters thoughts. That way its almost like you are reading their blogs knowing the misunderstandings and the feelings of each character from their own point of view. Its pretty amazing.

Its a quick and easy read but well worth the few hours put into it. It makes you want to be Heaven and fall for a guy like Brady. (or of course the other way around if you are a dude) It makes you want to follow your dreams. Right. Now. It makes you think that if these two people can make it in the world and things work in their big dreams, then it must be possible for you too- even if that means looking like an idiot stealing toilet paper from a crazy woman, stalking the President of Starbucks, spitting in salad, or getting proposed to with a rooster buckle from a man with a glass eye.

I was really nervous that this book would be one of those books that tricks you into liking it… and then when you get to the end- shatter your dreams. But it didn’t. It surpassed my expectations and left me wanting to run to Borders and pick up the rest of her books.

I would run NOT WALK to the nearest Borders to pick up this book. Pronto.

Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities

I just finished reading “Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities” by Alexandra Robbins and I have seriously mixed feelings about it. Being that I am a sorority alumni, I know what its like to be in a sisterhood (even though I was only there for a short time) and to go through rush and the beginning of a college experience. I must say that a majority of the incidents that happened to her subject cases in fact occurred in my sorority as well.  However, I have a hard time believing that non-Greeks do not deal with those same issues- including finding dates, looking your best, feeling like you’re always competing, alcohol, and drug abuse.

One of the issues she brings up is the fact that of all the ladies that go through rush, not all of them are accepted into the sorority of their choice and some get cut from every sorority entirely. It is a harsh reality to come to when you have been rejected from something.  But that happens in every day life as well.  Should we cut out job interviews and simply accept everyone in order to not get anyone’s feelings hurt? No. We shouldn’t.  Rejection hurts.  But I feel as though the girls that get cut from every house are better off that way because they apparently didn’t “click” with the sorority and had they been accepted would have been paying hundreds of dollars for something that isn’t inherently who they are with sisters who didn’t want them as sisters in the first place.

Another issue that she brings up is that sororities tend to be culturally and even sometimes physically homogeneous by chapter. I agree with this statement as at my University each sorority had a different image.  Some negative, some positive but regardless mostly valid. Yes, there were girls in every sorority that broke against their chapter’s “mold” but in general they were mostly the same.  Birds of a feather flock together.  For the argument that people of different races should be allowed in, I reference back to my previous post on Racism. There are some chapters that are multicultural. However, I hold firm on my beliefs that they should not be given a bid based solely on their skin color.  I think that (especially in the South) since races are still generally socially segregated that the “historically white” sororities have a hard time relating to the average black collegiate or the average hispanic collegiate and so on and so forth.  Music, movies, past times, clothing styles, etc differentiate most girls of different races.  They have a hard time understanding each other which is what I believe one of the fundamentals of being in a sorority is- the ability to understand and relate to one another.

The next issue she talks about is that of drug and alcohol abuse.  This is one of more ridiculous accusations that she throws around.  I understand that its very rampant in the Greek system.  However, it is very rampant in college in general.  I did not drink in high school.  I, in fact, never had a single drop of alcohol until right before graduation. I did not begin drinking due to wanting to fit into my sorority.  I began drinking because I honestly thought that guys found me more attractive that way.  I am generally a very shy person when you first get to know me and wanting to break completely away from what I was in high school. I used alcohol as a way to force me to meet people.  I became more talkative, bold, and humorous. Had I never joined a sorority, I would have continued to drink.  End of story. In fact, when my alcohol abuse began to reach a scary stage, when I was drinking literally all day-everyday, my sisters were the first ones to tell me that I had a problem and that I needed to get help.  They did everything from hiding my alcohol completely to personally limiting my intake or forcing me to go home when I had reached an unhealthy stage. I contribute my sobriety now, partially to them. Had they not been there to love me and tell me that that was enough, I’m not sure where I would be. And as for the drug abuse aspect, I never experienced anything that dealt with it directly.  However, my pledge-master did get put up in chapter for expulsion because she was video taped smoking marijuana with some of the pledges.  Knowing my pledge master very well I highly doubt that she was forcing or even encouraging my pledge sisters to smoke.  She just happened to be there with them doing it at the same time.  Also, for Robbins’ accusation that there is always a chuckle and turned head when it came to things such as this- she was blatantly wrong.  We had a standards board that would decide the fate unless it dealt with expulsion or probation from the sorority in which case it required a pro and con discussion in chapter followed by a 2/3 majority vote.  As a pledge class we put our pledge master (who we ALL loved very much) on probation where she was required to go to a counseling session with an alumni and drug interventionist once a week. She was required to take random drug screenings and was not allowed to attend any functions until the alumni and chapter deemed her rehabilitated.

Robbins also talks about hazing. She talks about how some collegians have died due to harsh hazing.  She talks about how it breaks the new members down and destroys confidence.  NPHC has defined hazing as “anything that distinguishes a pledge from an active member.” According to this definition hazing for my sorority would have been the fact that we had to “earn” our letters and therefore weren’t allowed to wear them until initiation.  We were required to wear our pledge pins and dress up in pin attire for football games and every Monday.  We were not allowed in the recreation room or chapter room until initiated. We were also required to have 15 logged study hours at the house a week and must attend a pledge meeting in the basement for an hour a week and take a pledge test.  During what is traditionally referred to as “hell week”, the week before initiation, we were not allowed to wear make up or jewelry at all.  Each day we were required to wear a different color and to try not to speak to anyone if we can help it.  This was so that we would be focused on what the weekend had to bring.  Although I don’t believe that you can call that hazing, it differentiated us from the initiated sisters. I almost wish that we had been “hazed” more as it would have given me an opportunity to grow closer to my pledge sisters and ultimately the sorority as a whole.  To know that you go through basically the same demeaning things but made it through together is a powerful bonding tool. Now I don’t believe in harsh hazing or something that could ultimately kill the potential new member but I see nothing wrong with scavenger hunts, required sleep overs at the house, mandatory clothing, etc.

Robbins mentions the fact that many chapters have “class files” where old term papers and tests are stored.  She claims this to be cheating.  Having used class files for MANY tests my freshman year of college I saw them simply as another study guide.  It gave you an idea of the test format as well as the depth of questions that were normally asked.  It is usually well known that Greeks have past tests and the teacher can so change his or her tests by semester if they like.  Also, any friend or sibling can keep all of their tests or notes from a particular class and pass it on.  Its done quite frequently actually.

And finally, there was a chapter on Secret Rituals.  My sorority was mentioned and our “secrets” aired out to dry.  But its funny how those secret rituals that we hold so dear such as our password for entrance into chapter meetings was wrong. Robbins should be more careful on who she gets her information from because it was blatantly wrong in my sorority’s case.  She did get some things right such as there is usually a lot of candles and white but that tends to be a common theme among a lot of sororities.  Actually, when going through the initiation ritual I felt kind of like I was joining a cult. But I nevertheless followed on through- repeating the words and mottoes that is in every one of my sorority member’s hearts.  And when I was done there was this explainable amazing feeling left in my heart.  The clothing that I was wearing, the words I said, the colors that I saw, the costumes that were adorned by my new sisters, had all been the same since the sorority in question came into existence.  Its an amazing feeling to be apart of history like that.  Yes, there are tweaks and small differences in each chapter, but as a whole the meaning of our sorority and value of our sisterhood remains the same. For instance, while at the gym here in HI, I was approached by a girl that looked absolutely delighted to see me.  I pulled off my head phones and smiled. She was a member of my sorority.  I didn’t know her name, where she grew up, how old she was, anything- but we had a common bond that made my heart melt with the feeling that it didn’t matter that I knew nothing about this girl.  She was my sister.  She was one of the few that knew my organizations secrets and we had once spoken the exact same words in the exact same context and pledged our hearts and souls to our sisterhood.

In general I thought that the book was poorly written, poorly planned, and very difficult to read.  Although in many instances she points out that she is a journalist and insists on remaining neutral and how she is just writing it as she sees, I must disagree. I don’t believe that there is any way that someone can go into the Greek system and do that.  It is difficult to understand why we haze and put our members through rituals when you have not done so yourself.  I also do not feel that it is valid to pick 4 girls to follow and then summarize their unique experiences to that of the entire Greek System. Those of you not in the Greek System, I would take her words with a grain of salt as they have little to no validity in the real Greek System.

**Side Note: Alexandra Robbins looks and sounds like Jen K from Greek.  Its uncanny how these two characters are so similiar.