Hawaii Sucks.
I’m sitting at work in Downtown Honolulu with nothing to do. After brainstorming I came up with the best blog idea EVER. I would like to inform everyone of why Hawaii sucks. That way you don’t have to be jealous when your friends are there. Because believe me- they should be jealous they aren’t where you are- wherever that may be. (i.e. federal prison, locked in a small basement, the projects, a world where the only shoes are Crocs, etc… you get the picture)
Being that I am still trying to develop my writer’s voice, I decided to do a little research on what others had to say about the topic first. Now, I know firsthand what its like to live here but I thought it would be interesting to see another’s perspective on “Paradise.” And boy was it ever.
In Google I searched “Why Hawaii Sucks”- these are my faves that came up-
Hawaii-Sucks
Zero Shibai
There are tons more that are quite entertaining but those happen to be the best.
With all that being said- here are the top 10 reasons why Hawaii should become the new Alcatraz or be blown off the map entirely
10. They can’t speak English. Now don’t jump down my throat just yet- I’m not talking about the immigrants or tourists from Japan or China or wherever. I’m talking about the locals who refuse to speak English. They speak “pidgin”. If that can even be termed a language… Heres examples of Pidgin-
Da Kine: Anything to which you are referring when you can’t remember what it is.
ex) You going take da kine wit you fo go pick up da kine? ah. Oh Shoots.
translation) So are you going to take Susie and Judy with you to pick up the pizza and beer? Yes. Good.
Like Beef: want to fight?
ex) Eh Mahu, you like beef? Na, Na, Na Wendell. I sorry, I sorry.
translation) Hey, Gay Guy, Do you want to fight? Of course not Wendell. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Akamai: Someone who is very smart
ex) You know my Feezicks Professah, you know da bolo head one? Some Akamai!
translation) You know my Physics Professor at UH? The one with the shinny bald head? He is the most intelligent man I have ever known!
The bad spelling and such? That’s how it goes… I got that off of a website used to teach you pidgin.
9. Food here is awful. AWFUL. Craving Mexican? Too bad. Craving Italian? Get ready to wait a good long while for the only Italian Restaurant. Loco Moco? GAG ME. Even worse than that? Big City Diner. I thought I was going to be sick for weeks after subjecting my poor digestive system to that level of nasty “food.” Loco Moco and Big City Diner are like the hot thing around here too. The locals love it. Does crystal meth effect your taste buds? If so, that MAY explain it.
8. Traffic is RIDICULOUS. Now I may have to attribute this outlook to me coming from a semi-small town in Arkansas… but seriously. Its BAD. Not only is traffic just always jam packed on the freeway at all times, but the people who are driving are the absolute worst drivers in the world. Now, I am not a good driver by any stretch of the imagination but the people here make me look like a driving God. They think its perfectly acceptable to screech out in front of you and have you nearly slam into them as long as they throw out the “shaka.”And they always wait until the last possible moment to merge.
7. Its wayyyyyyyyyyyy expensive. I get $10.50 an hour at my job and I honestly thought I was doing alright for a bit until I realized that that gives me about $1450 a month… I couldn’t rent a studio apartment in the ghetto here for that. Much less buy groceries, pay utilities, own a car, etc. Milk here- is $7 a gallon. That’s dumb.
6. Racism here is more prevalent than in the south. And this is coming from someone who has lived in both places. In the south we are still generally segregated when it comes to dating and socializing but believe me when I say that its NOTHING compared to here. “Haoles,” as white people are so fondly referred to as, are ostracized. There is even a school here (Kamehameha) that has prohibited white people from attending. Dead serious. How is this even legal?!
5. There are no attractive men here. I say this excluding military men because chances are they’re leaving the island within 6 months anyways so whats the point in including them?
4. There is no good shopping here. Yes, there are nearly all the designer stores like Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Prada, etc. But like I explained before- if you live here you can’t afford those. I’m talking quality cheap clothing such as Forever 21 and stores like that. There are some scattered throughout Pearl City and Aiea but they are lesser versions of the ones everywhere else.
3. There is nothing to do here besides the beach. And that (believe it or not) gets old fast. Even the radio stations here don’t provide entertainment. They’re awful!
2. Its ugly. The touristy parts of the island are incredible. I’m not going to lie about that. If you come for a week or two and stay in Waikiki and go directly to the tourist places and back, Hawaii seems like its the single most beautiful place ever. However, its not. Its dirty, graffiti-ed, overrun with homeless, and just all around nasty. The people here have no sense of pride in their areas. They junk it up like its nothing.
1. Its an island. I’m not sure that many people grasp that concept. They think “Wow a secluded island?! Must be romantic and beautiful!” Um. Its an island. As in thousands of miles of ocean surrounding you. Want to go home for the holidays? Cough up $600+ to go ANYWHERE. Get upset and want to just go driving around? Watch for the ocean… it’ll sneak up on ya. College Road Trips start with a flight to mainland.
January 28, 2009 at 6:45 am
I agree and I have a blog about it. http://www.hawaii-sucks.com
February 6, 2009 at 2:38 pm
funny stuff, Ive always wanted to visit
March 6, 2009 at 10:56 pm
AMEN on all accounts!!!
May 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Wow, I thought I was the ONLY one who thought all of these! I loved it.
July 31, 2009 at 1:33 am
You’ve done a very good job however; I’m going to disagree on the food not being very good. I would say the quality of customer service sucks here more than the food not being good. Everywhere is different but customer service here is constantly shitty. By the way I am married to a Hawaiian and she is against speaking pidgin. Also, it’s not all Hawaiians that have the racist view is a minority. I think there are more African Americans that think America owes them something than racist Hawaiians. Thanks for doing the wonderful post.
August 6, 2009 at 5:13 pm
go back to america fucking bitch if you dont like it here
August 6, 2009 at 5:21 pm
the only reason we have so much traffic here is all you donkeys moving here.spresd the word hawaii sucks and stay the fuck away,dumb ass
September 11, 2009 at 9:45 pm
You think Honolulu’s bad huh? Try living in Hilo, on the big island. Sucks balls.
Oh yeah you forgot to mention the horrible state government. Lingles a joke. No, the roads are a joke. + The shitty school system, which is why everyone speaks pidgin to begin with.
Hardly anyone here is truly “Hawaiian,” most everybody is mixed w/Filipino, other pacific islanders such as micronesians, or of asian decent.
October 2, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You’re not alone. I’ve been stationed here for two and a half years and this place is a hole. Education is a joke here. The locals hate two things: military personnel and tourists. The largest employers of these mouth-breathers are the military and tourism…..DUMB
Hawaii, if you feel personally attacked because I have a different opinion than you remember your home is slowly sinking into the Pacific. That makes me happy.
Good Luck with that rail transit system.
October 14, 2009 at 11:59 am
I agree, gets old fast and it seems like there is no good progress in Hawaii…
October 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I love the folks who do drugs with their kids strapped in the car…. my friend when in High School, worked fast food …he said 7 out of 20 cars would reek of weed while people were driving… and there would be kids in the car with them…hot…
October 14, 2009 at 10:46 pm
i completely agree with you!!! i hate living here. also, to the anonymous person who wrote on august 6, 2009, hawaii is america, retard. you are just the kind of person who i hate.
October 16, 2009 at 9:29 am
I thought it was ridiculous to see mostly filipinos and portugese and some whites in hula shows. Just because your family lives there does not make you ever a true hawaiian. A lot of the filipinos just moved to Hawaii when they were little just like Samoans and Micronesians but talk trash about how Micronesians don’t belong in Hawaii. Filipinos take advantage of the Hawaiian Homestead home loans so badly. I know a friken filipinos when I see one applying for subsidized home loans .But alot of people are to dumb to notice. I can’t stand it when you ask filipinos and portugese what they are and mostly the girls try to be exotic and say some crap like they’re filipino hawaiian portugee, chinese, spanish, french and give you a list so long to try to be exotic when a lot of them are just PLAIN filipino or PLAIN portugese from europe. I can tell the difference. I don’t see japanese pulling this crap as much because they know they look japanese and are at least not ashame to say so. There are mix japanese and you can tell right away they are mix japanese. Then you have so many whites that are wanna-be Hawaiians with their Hawaiian at Heart crap, who were born in Hawaii or just move there 2 years ago and give themselves Hawaiian names when they are white as heck. But when they are born in Oklahoma or Idaho, the don’t call themselves Oklahomaiians or Idahoians.
October 16, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Actually people from Idaho do call themselves Idahoians(also spelled Idahoans).
For example:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=idaho_blows
November 2, 2009 at 5:48 am
I agree, it is expensive, and unfortunately you see the repercussions on its people. Hawaiians working 3 jobs and having to share a 1 bedromm apartment with 4 other strangers. What really hurts is that Linda Lingle cares more about the money coming from tourism and the military rather than Hawaii’s residents. The Hawaiian know of the injustice, but choose to do nothing. In other countries people have civil wars and revolutions, but not in Hawaii. If they hate so much being the 50th state they have the means to revolution instead of complaining about it.
I used to work at $8/hour and instead of complaining about it, i packed and left to New York, where i’ve never been before and knew nobody. But I left!!! I didn’t sit in front of the computer blogging about Hawaii. I sued my boss and got the hell out.