Hawaii Sucks.

I’m sitting at work in Downtown Honolulu with nothing to do.  After brainstorming I came up with the best blog idea EVER. I would like to inform everyone of why Hawaii sucks. That way you don’t have to be jealous when your friends are there. Because believe me- they should be jealous they aren’t where you are- wherever that may be. (i.e. federal prison, locked in a small basement, the projects, a world where the only shoes are Crocs, etc… you get the picture)

Being that I am still trying to develop my writer’s voice, I decided to do a little research on what others had to say about the topic first.  Now, I know firsthand what its like to live here but I thought it would be interesting to see another’s perspective on “Paradise.” And boy was it ever.

In Google I searched “Why Hawaii Sucks”- these are my faves that came up-
Hawaii-Sucks
Zero Shibai
There are tons more that are quite entertaining but those happen to be the best.

With all that being said- here are the top 10 reasons why Hawaii should become the new Alcatraz or be blown off the map entirely

10. They can’t speak English. Now don’t jump down my throat just yet- I’m not talking about the immigrants or tourists from Japan or China or wherever.  I’m talking about the locals who refuse to speak English.  They speak “pidgin”. If that can even be termed a language… Heres examples of Pidgin-

Da Kine: Anything to which you are referring when you can’t remember what it is.
ex) You going take da kine wit you fo go pick up da kine? ah. Oh Shoots.
translation) So are you going to take Susie and Judy with you to pick up the pizza and beer? Yes. Good.
Like Beef: want to fight?
ex) Eh Mahu, you like beef? Na, Na, Na Wendell. I sorry, I sorry.
translation) Hey, Gay Guy, Do you want to fight? Of course not Wendell. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Akamai: Someone who is very smart
ex) You know my Feezicks Professah, you know da bolo head one? Some Akamai!
translation) You know my Physics Professor at UH? The one with the shinny bald head? He is the most intelligent man I have ever known!

The bad spelling and such? That’s how it goes… I got that off of a website used to teach you pidgin.

9.  Food here is awful.  AWFUL.  Craving Mexican? Too bad.  Craving Italian? Get ready to wait a good long while for the only Italian Restaurant.  Loco Moco? GAG ME. Even worse than that? Big City Diner. I thought I was going to be sick for weeks after subjecting my poor digestive system to that level of nasty “food.” Loco Moco and Big City Diner are like the hot thing around here too.  The locals love it.  Does crystal meth effect your taste buds? If so, that MAY explain it.

8.  Traffic is RIDICULOUS. Now I may have to attribute this outlook to me coming from a semi-small town in Arkansas… but seriously.  Its BAD. Not only is traffic just always jam packed on the freeway at all times, but the people who are driving are the absolute worst drivers in the world.  Now, I am not a good driver by any stretch of the imagination but the people here make me look like a driving God.  They think its perfectly acceptable to screech out in front of you and have you nearly slam into them as long as they throw out the “shaka.”And they always wait until the last possible moment to merge.

7. Its wayyyyyyyyyyyy expensive.  I get $10.50 an hour at my job and I honestly thought I was doing alright for a bit until I realized that that gives me about $1450 a month… I couldn’t rent a studio apartment in the ghetto here for that.  Much less buy groceries, pay utilities, own a car, etc. Milk here- is $7 a gallon.  That’s dumb.

6. Racism here is more prevalent than in the south.  And this is coming from someone who has lived in both places. In the south we are still generally segregated when it comes to dating and socializing but believe me when I say that its NOTHING compared to here.   “Haoles,” as white people are so fondly referred to as, are ostracized. There is even a school here (Kamehameha) that has prohibited white people from attending.  Dead serious.  How is this even legal?!

5.  There are no attractive men here. I say this excluding military men because chances are they’re leaving the island within 6 months anyways so whats the point in including them?

4. There is no good shopping here.  Yes, there are nearly all the designer stores like Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Prada, etc.  But like I explained before- if you live here you can’t afford those.  I’m talking quality cheap clothing such as Forever 21 and stores like that.  There are some scattered throughout Pearl City and Aiea but they are lesser versions of the ones everywhere else.

3.  There is nothing to do here besides the beach.  And that (believe it or not) gets old fast. Even the radio stations here don’t provide entertainment.  They’re awful!

2. Its ugly. The touristy parts of the island are incredible.  I’m not going to lie about that.  If you come for a week or two and stay in Waikiki and go directly to the tourist places and back, Hawaii seems like its the single most beautiful place ever.  However, its not.  Its dirty, graffiti-ed, overrun with homeless, and just all around nasty.  The people here have no sense of pride in their areas. They junk it up like its nothing.

1. Its an island.  I’m not sure that many people grasp that concept.  They think “Wow a secluded island?! Must be romantic and beautiful!” Um. Its an island. As in thousands of miles of ocean surrounding you.  Want to go home for the holidays? Cough up $600+ to go ANYWHERE. Get upset and want to just go driving around? Watch for the ocean… it’ll sneak up on ya. College Road Trips start with a flight to mainland.

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Lost in Translation
• Beautiful Imperfection.
• Hawaii
• Hawaii ’Copter Crash Kills 4