Happenings

My sister-in-law got here on the 5th and just left yesterday so I haven’t had much of an opportunity to get over here to write.  But don’t fret.  I’m here now.

I’m sure she expected her vacation to be a lot different. But if anything… it was very…. well lets just say it was very interesting and leave it at that.

What I did want to talk about was what my husband got me for Valentine’s Day.  A surprising book to say the least.  101 Sexy Dares by Laura Corn. Now why is this surprising you ask?  Because my dear has not even attempted to woo me sexually in a bit over 8 weeks.  Yea… newlyweds and the whole “not tonight babe… I’m tired/have a headache/ don’t want to/ have to work in the morning/ etc.” has not only begun… but it has been flipped over and done to me.  The wife.  I thought that was my role.  My job was to deny sex.  Apparently not. But I digress… back to the book.  This book is not a reading book but a doing book.  Not kama sutra either…. that stuff is weird.  This is a dare book.  Once a week both Justin and I sit down together and pick out a dare.  The only clue we get to what dare we may be picking is the title.  Each dare can only be read once its been torn out of the perforated book. But once it is torn out…. it must be completed within a week.  So basically you must be ready any time, all the time because you never know when your mate might perform his dare or when it might be the right time to surprise him with yours.

So my first dare for this week (we waited until his sister was gone) is called “Diamond Girl.” Ingredients: lots of jewelry, high heels, and candles. I am to put on all of my pretty jewelry and a pair of my highest high heels. And that is it. That. Is. It.  Next step is to gether all of the candles you have in your house and line your room with them. Step three- call him into the room and begin to seduce.

I feel like a lot of these dares are going to be very  interesting and I won’t want to perform them… but then again… if you don’t try new things then how in the world will you ever find what you like.  I may feel silly doing them but maybe Justin will really like it… or maybe not and we’ll just laugh together the entire time. Either way… I’m very much excited to go through the entire year with a new dare each week.

Top 10 things you didn’t (and possibly don’t want to) know about me.

I feel like a lot of my posts tend to skim the top and not really let the reader know about who I really am. So for today’s post I thought I would go with 10 facts that you didn’t and possibly don’t want to know about me.  Read at your own risk (talking to you mom.)

10. Despite popular belief, I have never cheated on a boyfriend.

9. I didn’t drink alcohol until February of my senior year of high school. And even then it was few and far between until I hit it hard in the summer following graduation.

8. I lost my virginity when I was 15.

7.  I have serious social anxiety.

6. I have never smoked a cigarette.

5. I have never done recreational drugs.

4. I have gotten so drunk that I have wet the bed. Twice. While not in my own bed.

3. I believe in ghosts, witches, angels, demons, vampires, and aliens.

2. I tried to become bulimic for about 3 months when my parents were going through a divorce.

1. I was sexually assaulted on Valentine’s Day 2005.

This makes my vagina hurt.

This woman had a set of OCTUPLETS.  As in 8 children in her belly all at once. OW.

On top of that…. she has SIX more children at home.  Two of which were twins. Do you have any idea how many hours of labor that must have been!? Her poor vagina….

OW.

The Saga Continues…

My brother texted me last night.

My uncle tried to kill himself over the weekend.

He hasn’t been coping well since my father died and apparently decided that he didn’t want to try coping anymore.  So he took 25 Ambien and slit his wrists.  Totally disregarding his 2 young girls, 2 step children, wife, and military career.

I understand that he’s sad that Daddy is gone… I’m sad…. my brother is sad… a lot of people are still hurting that he’s gone. But none of us are going to end our lives because we can’t deal.

I’m just totally confused at it all… not simply because he thought that that was the only way to make it stop hurting but that they weren’t close.  I get that they were brothers so there’s automatically a special bond there…. but other than that basic brother bond…. that was it.  They didn’t speak.  They didn’t email. Nothing. In fact, if anything it was more of the opposite.  They went out of their way to not speak.

What bothers me most though is that people are putting this golden glow around my dad since he’s gone.  He was a great man.  He was.  But like any other human he had his faults. And its not right to totally disregard those faults like they never happened.  Its like the end of a long relationship.  You need to look back on the good times and smile… but also look on the bad times and remember.  Not only does it make it easier to cope with but it makes it keeps his true memory in tact. It keeps the essence of my father alive to remember him how he truly was and not this picture-perfect person that never existed.  And it makes me want to scream that people keep muddling his memory. Maybe they didn’t know him like I did. Maybe they never took the time to sit with him and talk… but if that’s the case, they have no business being affected by his death at all.

Secondly, I have issues with the fact that my aunt messaged my brother and told him about my uncle but didn’t think that I would care to know.  I realize that I’m not that liked on that side of the family but I still deserve the consideration of knowing that the one person on that side of the family that I do like, tried to kill himself. He’s my Uncle Monkey… why would I not want to know?

Thirdly, I would like to point out that my dad dying and my uncle trying to die should be 75% attributed to my failure of a grandmother. When you have your husband carrying you in and out of the house to go to the hospital because you are too drugged up to walk yourself, when you put up divorce papers on numerous occasions because you are so high that you don’t know what you’re doing, when you beat your children so much it leaves marks because the drugs cloud your conscience… when you do it so often that your children know nothing but prescription drugs and think that that is the norm…. you pass that on to them. And you wonder why you’re all alone?? Get a clue. It hurt me that you wouldn’t even look at me at Dad’s funeral. It hurt me more that you lied to me and told me you loved me while not even looking at me.  It hurt me most that when you “found out” that I was hurt a week or so later, you called my brother to say that you really did love me and wanted to apologize.  You didn’t even try calling me. You selfish, lying bitch. I know you don’t love me.  You never have. Why? Because I’m too much like my mom.  You know what I have to say about that? Good. I’d rather be not loved for being happy, successful, caring, smart, and driven… than be loved for being anyone other than who I truly am.

Why Kevin Rose is so hott.

I find it really difficult to be focused enough to write a real blog post right now.  I’m seriously distracted because Kevin Rose is clouding my thoughts.  If you’ve been living under a rock or a very large bubble, you may ask- “Who is Kevin Rose?”

Well.

First and foremost-
Um…. Hi :-)

Secondly, he’s so smart… he’s cofounder of Digg.com which I’m sure you have all heard about and he’s co-stars with Alex Albrecht on the weekly podcast Diggnation which NEVER ceases to entertain. They get a different kind of beer or tea each week and talk about some of the most digged stories on Digg.com.

He’s obviously very driven and knows what it takes to be successful. He took $6000 and turned it into an internet empire.

He made being a geek very sexy. And on top of that he’s king of sexy geeks.

AND He used to be a Boy Scout.  Rawr.

Write Down Every Little Thing That Makes You Love Me.

I was driving around yesterday with the windows down, music up, just loving life.  Then this song came on the radio.

It gets so easy to get in a slump when you’re in a long term relationship. To forget why you’re in the relationship in the first place or to just lose that luster and passion.  So to prevent that… I’m going to make a list and challenge you to do the same.  Make a list of all the reasons why you love the person you love. And when you feel like giving up or not care anymore… read it. Remind yourself.

I love my husband because…
… he’s my best friend.
… he doesn’t know the artificial me.
… he loves me.
… he genuinely cares about my feelings.
… he knows when I’m upset before I even say anything.
… he lets me be free.
… he gets just jealous enough to show he cares but doesn’t go over board.
… he helps me not worry so much.
… he is ambitious.
… he is honest.
… he would give me the world if he could.
… he kisses me in the morning even though I have morning breath.
… by marrying me he gave me awesome in-laws.
… he’s sweet.
… he’s thoughtful.
… his cartoon voices make me laugh no matter what.
… he saved me from an addiction.
… he didn’t let me get away.
… he apologizes when he knows he’s wrong.
… his main goal in life is to make me happy.
… he calls me just to say he loves me even though he’ll be home in 5 minutes.
… he buys video games that he doesn’t like because he knows I will like them.
… he wants to be neat me.
… he loves dogs.
… he wants to be an amazing father.
… he’s secure in himself and his dreams.
… he encourages me to do things I love.
… he speaks his mind.
… he wants the best for himself and his family.
… he’s smart.
… he is a wonderful cook.
… he’s the funniest person I know.
… he doesn’t stay mad for long.
… he wants me to be involved in every part of his life.
… he’s independent.
… he lets me be me.
… he’s ridiculously handsome.
… he’s my soulmate.
… he gives me so many reasons to love him that I don’t have time or energy to name them all.

Photo by Miles Witt Boyer

Shhhhh! I’m sleeping!

I was browsing the 20 something bloggers site and I came across the topic for the January Blog Carnival.

First Kiss.

My. Oh. My. Have a got a horribly embarrassing story for you.

I was in the 6th grade and I thought that I was so cool because I was “going out” with one of my older brother’s friend.  I mean he was 14 and I was 12.  How much more scandalous can you get?

We had been “going out” for about a month when my mom (who obviously had to chauffeur us everywhere at that point) came up with the idea that we could go on a “date” to the drive-in. I don’t even remember what movie was playing because I was too busy gazing starry eyed up at him and knowing that tonight I was going to get my first kiss.  I. was. scared. shitless.  So after the first movie was over and he still hadn’t kissed me yet, I snuggled up to him and pretended to go to sleep.  As my head lay in his lap (told you… scandalous…) (I KEEED.  I was only TWELVE PEOPLE! Get your head out of the gutter.) my mom decided to be all sly and go get some nachos at the concession stand to leave us alone for a bit.  Boyfriend went in for the kill.  Mind you, I was still “sleeping” at this point.  I flipped out.  All in my head. I was seriously about to have a heart attack because he was kissing me. Giving me my first real kiss. And what was I doing? Still pretending to be asleep.  Thats right.

The worst part about it? It wasn’t just like a peck first kiss.  He went from having never kissed me at all to trying to shove his tongue past my tonsils. And I pretended to be asleep the entire time.  I didn’t move a single muscle all 45ish seconds of him dousing my face with his spit. I stayed completely limp.

Boyfriend and I never said a word about it after the fact.  It was like it never happened.  If only I really could erase his memory of that.